Iron and Kevlar
by Dances With Monkeys
Summary: Two men. Two friends. Two billionaires. Two orphans. Two 'heroes.' Two completely different ways of trying to make the world a better place. These are random one-shots involving our favorite billionaires.
1. Ostentatious

**Chapter 1 has officially been edited as of 9/5/2013. If there is anything I've missed do not be shy, please tell me. **

**Disclaimer:** The only thing I officially own is quite a few thousand dollars in student loans.

* * *

_What penthouse needs a ballroom?_

Tony wonders as he looks around the huge room in disbelief. He takes a glass of expensive but unidentifiable champagne, and he notices the room resembles the light gold and white colors of the bubbly liquid in the glass as he takes a long sip.

He flashes his 'billionaire smile'—as Pepper calls it—at the socialites he recognizes and his gaze lingers on the young women whose dresses are so revealing that they leave little to the imagination.

It's not like he minds much.

He saunters around the room and keeps an eye out for his illusive assistant and finally he finds her talking to an older man he vaguely recognizes as the heir of some oil tycoon's billions. He cannot help but smile at the dress she is wearing because it's the one he 'bought' her for her birthday.

He walks up beside her wraps an arm lazily around her, "Mind if I steal her away?"

When the older man nods with a lazy smile and Tony spins them away, Pepper begins her protest.

"Tony I was having a convers—"

Her words are cut short by the almost deafening sound of helicopter blades and everyone in the ballroom, including Tony and Pepper, begin to look for where the offending noise is coming from. They have their answer when the sleek black helicopter appears outside the huge doors which lead to the balcony, and the doors slide open revealing Bruce Wayne and _three _dates.

Tony scoffs, "That's a bit ostentatious don't you think?"

"You're just jealous because you didn't think of it first back before your _personal discovery_." Pepper deadpans as Bruce Wayne, looking quite dapper, leads his lovely dates into his penthouse. The only noise being the very quiet whispers from those in the crowd.

Tony snorts but remains silent because deep down they both know she's correct, but begins to plan his arrival for his upcoming birthday.

* * *

**Be kind, please review. **


	2. Scholarly

**AN: I have been neglecting my writing for the past two weeks... So I decided to get back in the game and post another drabble! **

**This is in the Dark Knight universe as well and I should warn you these drabbles just sort of come to me... So do not expect them to be in order. **

**Thanks for the reviews! They are much appreciated and most of the time they inspire me to write more. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own nothin'. **

* * *

Bruce Wayne has never really thought of himself as a scholarly man, which many say is very un-Thomas Wayne…but he can live with that. He is unlike his father in many ways and he has come to accept this. He does enjoy the occasional book when he has the rarity that is free time, but for the most part his 'degree' is in 'physical education.'

He especially couldn't be scholarly when he is his public self. It would ruin his image if Bruce Wayne were to walk into the library and check out a book that is above his assumed third grade reading level.

So to keep his appearance he is sitting in a very important meeting with LSI holdings with an important Asian man named Lau, who he is only doing business with to get a closer look at his books, playing some racing game he recently purchased for just this occasion. His main reason for the purchase was to keep his mind occupied so he wouldn't fall asleep in _another _meeting.

His fingers are moving quickly over the keys of his sleek phone and most of his attention is being held by the game quenching his competitive thirsts and he is just about to be the high score that the phone set for him. The rest of his attention span is keeping tabs on the meeting around him.

Then his phone vibrates loudly with a new text message.

He curses inwardly knowing that his game ended as soon as the message came through. He sighs opening it, ignoring the annoyed looks from a few of the members of his board. He is especially annoyed by the sender…

Tony Stark

He glares at the text message which reads:

Hey buddy, I know you're in a meeting… Did I ruin your high score again?

Bruce doesn't even bother responding to his friend as he leans back in the plush leather chair, he is too sullen to start a new game so he decides to actually pay full attention to the meeting.

This is no easy feat because his eyelids begin to grow heavy as he leans back even farther in his chair, propping his legs up on the empty chair beside him. He goes to blink, but the darkness pulls too hard and his eyes do not reopen…

* * *

**Review?**


	3. School Girl Crush

**Disclaimer: I don't own nothin'**

**Author's Note: Guess what I should be doing? Studying for two tests tomorrow and an upcoming exam. Guess what I did? I wrote this. Procrastination thy name is Trish. **

**Special shout out to SpikyPinkBall for being my first loyal fan/reviewer. I appreciate your ideas and if you have anymore ideas I would absolutely love to hear them. The next drabble will be the first meeting of our two favorite billionaires. **

**I thought we should hear from Gordon...**

**

* * *

**Jim Gordon pulls the lever on the side of his recliner and leans back with a content sigh, for once he is actually going to just sit back and relax. Unfortunately for him his daughter is watching the breaking news feeding her obsession with a certain billionaire playboy and unfortunately for him the billionaire is Tony Stark.

The news is playing, for the _hundredth,_ time Tony Stark and his partners in crime's return to Gotham after being in Malibu for so long. He rolls his eyes as Tony and his old friend and fellow CEO walking without the knowledge of being filmed.

He looks to his daughter and sees how her blue eyes brighten with every mention of the billionaire's name. He'll never understand her obsession with the narcissistic womanizer.

"That's all Gotham needs _another_ worthless playboy." He mumbles under his breath darkly taking a sip of his cold beer.

The young girl turns toward him, "What daddy?"

He freezes and flashes a smile as photos of Iron Man fill the screen, "Nothing Babs."

She spins back giddily and he grimaces as the next story to come across the screen is the Prince of Gotham and another of his ridiculous exploits.

"Definitely not another playboy billionaire…" He grumbles once more taking another long sip.

* * *

**Review for a sneak peak of what will happen next. **

**You know you want to.**


	4. Merger

**Disclaimer: No I have not acquired ownership of neither Batman or Iron Man in the past couple weeks since I have posted. I only write to please my muse and I do not profit financially from this. **

**AN: Sorry its been so long since I have updated this... I was trying to force a story out that I thought would be cool, but my imagination just wasn't down for that. **

**So this takes place 6 months after Bruce 'disappeared' and a little meeting between Tony and Mr. Earle. Pepper in this as you will see had just been hired and Obie has not become the villain yet. So obviously pre-Iron Man Uno. **

**

* * *

**

"Tony."

He ignores the familiar voice that is calling his name and he keeps on playing his gaming device, as he sits at his oversized desk with his legs propped up—just another day at the office.

"Tony!"

He sighs dramatically and without looking up from his device he responds, "Yes Pepper?"

"Mr. Stark I would prefer you call me something a little more professional, like Miss Potts perhaps?" She sighs obviously exasperated by his lack of professionalism, but he cannot help it—he loves to annoy his new redheaded assistant. He has been blowing through assistants lately like people drink water and when he hired this one, Rhodey decided to place a bet with him to see how quickly he would piss her off so badly that she quit.

Rhodey gave her six months, because after he insisted he liked her spirit, he thought she would stick around until she would decide to sue him for sexual harassment.

Tony had given her three months.

It has been two and a half months and Tony was frustrated at the fact that he may lose the bet to his best friend. He had to step up his game.

"Nah Pepp, I like 'casual.'" He flashes a small smile, which quickly turns to a frown because of a new obstacle in the game.

She taps her finger on the side of his desk, "Fine." She growls in annoyance.

Tony presses pause on the game before looking up with his lop sided grin, "Did you just growl?"

She ignores the question, "You have a meeting with Wayne Enterprises in about"—she checks her watch—"five minutes."

Tony saves his game and turns to look at the file that Pepper placed on his desk, his interest finally caught.

"Wayne Enterprises? What would they want with a lowly weapons manufacturer?" Tony asks rolling his eyes, remembering all of the arguments Thomas Wayne and his father had gotten into when he was a kid over weapons. He wants to roll his eyes at the man who everyone thinks of as a Saint because his thoughts were always too optimistic; he gave people too much credit. Bruce Wayne, the only child of Thomas, who though he hated to admit it had come to be his friend over the years, disappeared just six months ago. Tony still didn't know what to think about the—situation.

"I don't know, Mr. Stark, but we really must go."

He gets up from his desk, "Alright let's go see what"—Tony looks at the file—"Mr. Earle wants."

* * *

"So Mr. Stark how is Malibu treating you?" Mr. Earle asks with an obviously fake smile planted on his face which seems to be mirrored by his entire board. Then it hits him, he has no idea what Mr. Earle's first name is.

"It's a wonderful town," Tony leans back in his leather chair, "very refreshing as compared to Gotham."

Earle nods, "It is…it's so…sunny."

Tony sighs becoming bored with this conversation very quickly, "Let's get to the point, what can we here at Stark Industries do for you?"

"Well we at Wayne Enterprises decided that we would like to turn a new leaf," He begins, "and thought we would discuss a possible merger."

Tony immediately hears whispers amongst his side of the board and he raises an eyebrow and he looks to Pepper who is just as stunned as everyone else. Anyone who had ever heard Thomas Wayne speak knew his thoughts about having anything to do with his father's company, which has come to be his company. He couldn't help but wonder, why would Thomas leave his business in the hands of someone who seems to have a completely different view about how things should be ran?

"A merger?" Tony asks incredulously.

"Yes," The older man responded, "Like I said, we are thinking of 'switching things up' as people as now a days."

Tony looks down to his papers in front of him to think, "Do you think this is something Thomas Wayne would want? I mean some of my earliest memories of him were when he was arguing with my father about how companies should be run…"

"Well Thomas Wayne, isn't here."

Tony can't keep the shock from his face and looks to Obie who is at his side.

Obadiah picks up quickly, "Did Bruce agree to this before he vanished?"

Earle searches his mind for an answer, "Well he has been gone for six months, no one is even sure he will be coming back."

"It's only been six months." Tony begins, "Shouldn't you at least wait a year before destroying everything his father believed in?"

"Tony…" Obie whispers beside him trying to keep a lid on Tony's brutal honesty.

Even Tony is shocked by his sudden annoyance, why is he protecting a belief—and a man for that matter—who he had always disagreed with?

"I'm sorry, but I don't want Bruce returning and getting pissed that we went against his father's wishes." Tony says slowly trying not to let his irritation get out of hand. "If this is something you are serious about then maybe we can talk about this in seven years, when Bruce can be declared dead." He pauses before adding, "If he's even gone that long."

Tony still doesn't believe the young billionaire will stay away _that _long.

* * *

**This is longer than my previous drabble. I should be working on an 'AP Essay Test' but I decided to write this. Reward me for my educational procrastination? Review?**


	5. Surfing

**Disclaimer: Hmmm... Nope still don't own'em.**

**A/N: Well I'm going to make up for not updating for a month because guess what? Three updates in two days? **

**This one is a bit lighter than the last one and it takes place... after Iron Man and... hmmm kind of somewhere near TDK. So this is my view on what happens if Bruce and a certain Russian Ballerina take a weekend holiday in Malibu with Tony and his lovely assistant Pepper.**

**

* * *

Teaching Pepper how to surf is comparable to teaching a blind woman how to see. The brilliant woman was obviously not made to surf, but Tony was greedily taking the opportunity to see his gorgeous redheaded assistant go from perfectly tailored suits to a skin tight wet suit. They both were taking a break and just sitting comfortably on the bobbing surf boards in silence.**

Pepper was 'people watching' he assumed as he watched her scan the beach. They had decided to take a nice relaxing day seeing as one of his oldest friends decided to take a weekend trip from Gotham to Malibu. The friend being none other than his fellow billionaire Bruce Wayne, who arrived looking exhausted, really needed a break from whatever his usual activities were. Bruce, who to Tony believes suffers from multiple personality disorder, he seems to switch between two different personalities going from one to the other. He is just Bruce when he is hanging in the workshop with Tony and bourbon but when his date the ballerina is around he is the Prince of Gotham—who's a spoiled brat.

Tony is drawn from his thoughts as the waves begin to grow higher and he looks to his surfing inept companion with a toothy grin.

"Are you ready to keep practicing?"

She grimaces, "I think we should just stop, Tony. I'm not very good at this anyway."

"Oh come on Peps," Tony encourages with a slight nudge to the shoulder, "You just need to keep practicing. Alright let's start with step one."

He goes to show her the maneuver where the surfer stands to balance on the board—to ride out the wave, just as he was going to finish his maneuver is when Pepper breaks his concentration.

"Bruce Wayne is very hot." She sighs almost dreamily.

Tony loses his balance and falls face first into the salty cool water.

* * *

**Its 4:00AM and I was trying to get a head start on my essays I have been procrastinating on, this came instead. **

**Review?**


	6. Beach Chair

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned them. **

**A/N: This is Bruce's POV on the day at the beach. **

**

* * *

Bruce Wayne sighs as he finally admits to himself that for once Tony Stark was right. He really needed to get away from Gotham for a couple of days, to escape the shadows and his nightly escapades. He leans back on his beach chair relishing the feel of the warm sun as it warms his skin. He peers over at Natasha who seems to be enjoying this just as much as he has been; if he really thinks about she isn't that horrible of a woman to be around, as compared to his usual companions.**

She smiles up at him and with her thick accent asks, "Are you having fun?"

He digs his toes into the soft sand and pulls out his billionaire grin, "Of course, are you?"

She takes a sip from the cold bottle of water she has had stored in the red cooler which matches the color of her bikini, "Oh yes."

They go back to a comfortable silence and Bruce reaches for a bottle of water for himself and his eyes fall onto his old friend and his 'assistant' who are sitting idly on their boards. He must control himself from rolling his eyes at their ignorance toward their feelings for each other, but he cannot help but wonder is it ignorance or disregard? He watches as Tony tries again to show Pepper how how to rise on the board and she must have said something _very_ distracting because he smirks as Tony falls clumsily face first into the water.

He goes to take another cool sip from his bottle as Natasha smiles widely, "He is a very sexy man, that Tony Stark."

Bruce cannot help but spray his water out of his mouth in shock to her statement, stunning the poor Russian and causing people to look their way in confusion.

* * *

**Reviews are lovely.**


	7. Happy Birthday Wake Up Call

**Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own them. My muse just enjoys playing with them.**

**A/N: I didn't expect to have a third post today...**

**So this is a little phone call that takes place after both TDK and IM2, so if you haven't seen IM2...There are some subtle spoilers. This phone call happens on February 19th and if you don't know what day it is, its the birthday of our favorite bat! It involves some fun and some serious points... They may be a tad OOC but...whatever I enjoyed this.**

* * *

Tony hears the phone begin to ring over the speaker as he drives; he almost thinks that his old friend won't respond but just as he loses all hope the phone is answered.

"Hello?" A tired slur is what he hears rumble from his cars speakers.

"Hey buddy!" Tony smiles, "I didn't wake you did I?"

"You know you did," His voice a groggy rasp.

Tony chuckles, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, yeah," He hears movement on the other end, "Did you call for a reason Tony?"

"Yes I did, don't tell me you forgot your own birthday!" He smirks at the extended silence. "You definitely forgot."

"I _definitely_ did."

"You need to slow it down, Bruce; you're heading down a path of self destruction." Tony responds his tone becoming very serious suddenly, ever since the terrorist known as the Joker struck Gotham and wreaked havoc on the city, Bruce hadn't been the same. Tony believed it had something to do with the loss of his ADA lady friend, someone he himself had been quite fond of. His old friend suffered a great loss and he felt compelled to be there for the man who had been on occasion a voice of reason to him.

"You don't know what you're talking about." The voice on the other end gets dark.

"Yes I do; don't forget that I almost destroyed my own life last year when I thought I was dying." Tony adds solemnly remembering the events surrounding the disaster of the Stark Expo.

"In the end you got everything you lost back." Bruce's voice a growl, "I will never have that luxury nor do I deserve it."

"Bruce, man, you are way too hard on yourself"—Tony sighs trying to figure out how to put his thoughts into words—"you blame yourself for things you have no control over. Everything that happened last year…It wasn't your fault, your taking the actions of a terrorist and making them your burden—your blame. When it is not your fault."

"That's deep, Tony." Bruce replies drily and Tony can tell he's trying to ignore what he is saying.

"It's the truth, Bruce. You deserve to be happy and all of this weight you put on your own shoulders is going to kill you."

The two billionaires are silent for a moment.

"Hell, Bruce, people called me the _Merchant of Death_. I drank all of the time, I took advantage of everyone—especially women, and I was an all around asshole" Tony breaks the silence, "If Karma or God or the Force thought that _I _deserved a second chance at being a better person—at being happy with Pepper, then you definitely deserve it."

The only reply for a long time is a deep sigh.

"The Force? Really, Tony?" Bruce responds with a dark chuckle.

Tony smiles, "I thought you would enjoy that."

Another silence falls between the two friends as Tony begins to pull up to his driveway, where after going through the usual security precautions he is slowly making his way down.

"Just think about what I said? Try and move on." Tony says cautiously choosing his words. "Maybe if you keep up with your 'Prince of Gotham' persona, you may just have a little bit of fun yourself. I know you don't like being the dumb as a box of rocks playboy, but hey it's a start."

"I guess." The younger man allows. "Alfred said something similar a while back."

"Well Alfred is pretty smart man." Tony smiles, "Scares the shit out of me, but pretty smart none the less."

Bruce lets out a genuine laugh, "Alfred _scares_ you?"

"I just get this feeling that, that man can kill me twenty different ways with his glass of Earl Grey."

He can almost hear Wayne shake his head incredulously.

"He probably could, it's not that hard to kill someone like you."

Tony scoffs, "Someone like me? I'm fucking Iron Man."

He can almost hear Bruce roll his eyes as he begins to roll into his garage, "Yeah and you don't have your _suit _all the time."

"Hey! I could kick your ass with Mark—as Iron Man, Batsie."

"I could kick your ass as Bruce Wayne, _Tony_." Bruce retorts simply, the conversation taking on a lighter competitive mood. The previous topic almost forgotten momentarily, which is how it is between the two they can bounce between conversation topics like people with ADD.

"Yeah when _Bruce Wayne _isn't tripping and falling down a flight of stairs."

"That was only an alibi for why I had bruises." Bruce replies simply.

"Sure, sure." Tony chuckles as he parks his Audi, "An alibi that you created from a past experience."

"Whatever Tony."

Tony parks the car, "But as much as I love proving how I'm more awesome than you, I just pulled in and I'm already late for dinner, and Pep will probably kill me." He unbuckles his seat belt. "Think about what I said and happy birthday—your gift is in the mail."

"I will and thanks." Bruce chuckles, "What is the gift anyway?"

"An Iron Man action figure."

* * *

Ah, I enjoyed writing this at 5:30AM, couldn't you just see our favorite Narcissist doing this?

Review and let me know what you think.


	8. Bourbon Holiday

**Disclaimer: I can't think of anything clever so, I still own nothing. **

**AN: I have had this written for awhile, but my computer has been stupid lately and someone asked me to be there Beta! Yay! I was so excited. :) Also saw Due Date over the weekend... Great movie.**

**Anyway we saw Emo!Bruce last segment so now its time for some good old Emo!Tony, as rare as it may be. I figure this is set a year or so before the movies during Christmas.**

**

* * *

**

"Christmas is a horrible holiday." Tony Stark grumbles darkly to himself before taking a sip from the liquid in his glass. Through the cloud in his mind he wonders, why the hell he doesn't just drink straight from the bottle because every time he gets up for a refill he gets closer and closer to tumbling over into the glass coffee table in the middle of the room.

Maybe he would actually like the dreadful holiday if its premise wasn't family—something that has been devoid from his life for what feels like decades, which is never a problem every other season of the year…Hell any other day of year. Only Christmas makes him feel this alone.

He clumsily picks himself up and stumbles across the room sans his cup and he grabs the expensive bottle off of the bar. As he turns and almost trips and he figures that it is best to bring the bottle because there is no way that he will make it to the bar again without seriously injuring himself. He knows that if an emergency were to occur that Jarvis would call Pepper, and he would never hear the end of it if she had to assist him to the hospital for stitches—again.

He plops back down onto the couch and takes another numbing sip of the golden liquid as he looks out onto the chilly night.

He falls into a drunken silence, enjoying the numb and foggy sensation which has been flooding his mind. He hears is phone chirp and it takes him three tries to pull the damn thing from his pocket and he figures it is just Pepper keeping with her usual tradition of a 'Merry Christmas' text. He is surprised to read the name 'Brucie' on the ID, he opens the text and this is what it reads:

_I know you pretty well, so I know exactly what you're doing. There is no sense in telling you not to drink, so Happy Holidays and please try not to puke on Dummy or Butterfingers again. _


	9. Tonylect

**Disclaimer: Nope not mine and since I got the idea from the Summoner from the Canturbury Tales (absolutely no clue how it is spelled) I should say I don't own that either. **

**AN: Here's a lighter Drunk!Tony bit. Oh and I don't speak Portuguese, I used an online translator... So if someone out there knows that I am wrong... Let me know. **

**

* * *

**

Tony glares at the glass of golden liquor in his hand and he begins to feel the fuzzy feeling that comes with alcohol. He has always been intrigued by the feeling and is encouraging the liquid comfort. His mind jumbles and he begins to think in a mixed number of languages, which have always come easy to her.

"Enjoying yourself?" A familiar voice asks acknowledging its presence.

"Ele é uma bela noite," Tony responds looking up at the abundance of stars nonchalantly.

He looks to the tall form that has appeared to his left and he leans his muscular frame against the marble railing. His eyebrow raised as he stares at him with hazel eyes, "What? I don't speak Portuguese fluently."

Stark responds with a blank look.

Bruce goes on awkwardly, "You were just speaking what sounds like Portuguese, was I wrong?"

The engineer looks down at the glass, "I must be more intoxicated than I thought."

The Prince of Gotham chuckles, "You speak Portuguese when you're drunk?"

A lazy smile spreads across his face, "Not just Portuguese I sometimes mix others in. Pepper and Platypus find it amusing when I use Tony-lect."

Bruce laughs, "Interesting."

* * *

**Tony says, 'it's a beautiful night' in Portuguese... Or at least I think... It might be 'it's a horse's ass' for all I know. **

**Reviews are greatly appreciated. :)**


	10. Birthday Revenge

**Author's Note: Erm, I know, I know it has been a long time since I updated this. Sorry? Like I said in my recent Iron Man one-shot, life happened and I have been betaing for quite a few people. I hope this makes up for it. **

**This is the sequel to the previous Iron and Kevlar one-shot 'Happy Birthday Wake Up Calls' but this time it is Tony's birthday. What's the worst that can happen right?**

**Wait! Before you go on! I'm going to do some advertising for my fellow Bats!Fan Second Star On the Left. You should go check out some of her Bats fics because she is a talented writer.**

**Disclaimer: In my absence I did not gain ownership of Iron Man or Batman. I still own nothing, dang it.**

* * *

Anthony Stark was absolutely exhausted.

It was the Sunday after his birthday vacation and he had spent most of it partying as though it were his last, because as he had learned last year—you never know when it will be your last birthday. Unlike last year, though, he didn't make a complete ass of himself around Pepper due to the fact that this birthday he was able to go back to go home with her.

Going home with her is something he is still getting used to even though it has almost been a year since the Stark Expo disaster that ended with a kiss on that random rooftop.

Almost a cliché? Probably.

For his birthday they had traveled to one of his private estates located in the Bahamas where they spent a lot their time sunbathing. To Tony's disappointment Pepper refused to do so in the nude, even though he had offered to sunbath sans swimming trunks.

His disappointment had soon been forgotten when he was finally able to see the teal bikini she had decided to go out on the beach in.

Tony had even convinced Pepper to go to a few of the more exclusive nightclubs which led to the drinking, because Pepper refused to let him drink while on the beach. She had some argument about alcohol and the sun being a bad combination, but he doesn't honestly remember the conversation due to the fact he was too distracted by the teal bikini at the time.

Now after the long but glorious week, he is dragging himself through the door of his Malibu mansion trying to keep himself from collapsing on the leather couch. His skin was hot due to the scorching weather and the amount of sun he had gotten so the cool leather sounded divine.

As he made his way to the couch he notices a large pile of mail lying on the coffee table, and he lets out a long sigh.

Pepper will probably want to go through that in the morning.

One parcel in particular caught his eye though as he collapsed onto the couch. He picks the package up twisting it around trying to figure out what exactly it was because he was not expecting anything through the mail other than the random birthday cards from his social circle.

The return address was from Gotham City and Tony can't help but smirk lazily.

Wayne had sent him something, a present perhaps?

He quickly rids the package of the offending paper and studies the plain shipping box for a moment before opening tearing the tape that held it together.

He rips the lid open and he is disappointed to find that he cannot see exactly what he had received.

Damn wrapping paper.

Wait—damn _pink_ birthday wrapping paper?

That arrogant asshole wrapped his birthday present in _pink_ paper?

Tony's eyes narrow as he stares down at the rectangular shape in his hands. Its weight tells him that it's a book, but what could Wayne have sent him?

"Can that airhead even read?" Tony grumbles sarcastically to himself as he tears the offending pink paper off of the present and he was right to assume that it was a book. It was a plain book with a black cover which did not reveal the large book's title. The only significant feature on the cover was a yellow sticky note that had a short note on it in a very sloppy script. The note said:

_Happy Birthday Stark!_

_Remember, payback is a bitch._

_-Bruce_

Tony frowns and asks aloud, "Payback for what?"

And then it hits him and his eyes grow wide. He had sent Wayne that Iron Man action figure for his birthday—

Tony turned the book so he could read the spine which read in golden script, _Encyclopedia of Bats_.

Tony lets out a laugh, "That mother fu—"

* * *

**Yes, I didn't drop the F-Bomb on purpose because some people do not like a lot of cussing. I'm trying to be considerate of my more innocent readers. **

**I on the other hand can cuss like sailor, but I add a little more creativity and eloquence to my curse words. **

**Reviews inspire me to think of new plots for future Iron and Kevlar one-shots. (:**


	11. Avengers in Gotham Part 1

**Disclaimer:** Even though I disappeared for a good year and a half I still own nothing. Well that's not true I started college this year so I am now the owner of quite a few loans. Yay.

**Author's Note:** Yeah... I have no excuse for why I've been gone so long. I'm sorry, seriously. I'm not going to rattle off a bunch of bullshit excuses and try to gain your sympathy. Just know I'm sorry and I'm back in the zone for this story.

**Oh and please keep in mind that for the next few posts I'm going to have The Avengers involved so if you've been living under a rock the past few months and have neglected to see that fantastic movie just know that there are not any spoilers as of right now, but there will be in updates to come. And there are not any spoilers for TDKR either, but there maybe after the Avengers arc.**

Tony Stark looks around the steel table in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Eastern Seaboard headquarters and he can't help but compare the Initiative to a circus act. There's the world's best marksman who could most likely hit a piece of dust out of the air from half a mile away, the woman who could probably kill a person fifty different ways with a thumbtack, the guy who dresses like an American flag puked all over his clothes and the giant man who wields a hammer no one else can pick up. They're definitely a few clowns short of an underground circus act; they even have a guy with an eye-patch.

"So why are we here? Do we have to listen to you lecture Stark again?"

"Fuck you, Barton."

"I don't think Pepper would appreciate that."

"She'd be disappointed in my terrible taste."

"That's enough gentlemen," Fury interrupts before pulling something up on the projector. Tony flips off Clint after he catches him sticking his tongue out at him before he looks to the screen and sees a familiar blurred face on the screen.

Or should he say a familiar cowl?

"This is the Gothamite vigilante known as Batman," Fury says pointing toward projection.

Oh shit.

"Why is a simpleton vigilante on our radar?" Tony asks feigning smugness while on the inside he's freaking out. "The Men in Black not like competition?"

"We just want to talk to him."

Bruce Banner, who usually remained quiet during these meetings, snorted at this.

"I'm sure that's_ all_ you want to do. Talk." Tony rolled his eyes; did Fury really think they were that stupid?

Tony makes a mental note to get on his 'safe phone' and send a particular bat a message later.

"We need to find out as much as we can about this 'Bat'. That's all you need to know Stark."

Bruce, who doesn't remember falling asleep at the computer in the cave, doesn't want to move. He doesn't want to feel the ache in his knee or the harsh cracks that will move down his back. He was content with lying there a little longer that is until the phone rang.

He groans in time with cracks deep in his bones before answering the phone.

"This better be good," he says barely disguising his voice.

"SHIELD is coming to Gotham."

Bruce lets out a sigh; this is the last thing he wanted to add yet another thing to stress over. Alfred is surprised he hasn't come up with an ulcer yet. "Why?"

"You have a genius IQ you can take a wild guess as to why," Stark responds in his annoyingly chipper yet sarcastic voice.

"Why are they interested in him?" Bruce turns in his chair toward the computer and starts it up, he needs to do a little more in-depth research on SHIELD.

"I don't know the specifics but I doubt they want to give you a pat on the back and tell you how good of a job you've been doing. Best case scenario—they want to recruit you—"

"—I'm not joining your boy band."

"Let me finish! Worst case scenario they want to arrest you and send you to one of SHIELD's special maximum security prisons that they tell me don't exist but I have every reason to believe they do—"

Bruce sighs and interrupts one of Tony's rants again. "So SHIELD's coming? I can deal with that."

"No…Not just SHIELD, B. SHIELD and the Initiative are coming. They are sending the Avengers to your turf to find you."

Bruce ignores the worry in Tony's voice and rolls his eyes. "So I'm supposed to afraid of a few people in ostentatious and impractical battle uniforms."

"That was a jab at my suits wasn't it? Fuck you, B. And I'm not saying you should be afraid of me because hell I already know what you do with your nights, but you should be afraid of the others like Natasha and Clint. If they meet you even as your daytime persona they will be able to see right through you."

"You seem awfully confident in their abilities but lack any in mine."

"Because they've been trained by crazy people, you were trained by ninja-like people in the mountains of Tibet."

"Tony these ninja-like people tried to destroy an entire city, but on that note, thanks for the heads up. I guess I will see you when you get to Gotham—in one persona or the other." He hangs up the phone before Tony has a chance to say goodbye.

* * *

**I know it's short, but there will be more soon. **

**Leave a review & tell me if you like it or hate it or if there's ideas/something you'd like to discuss. The reviews I've gotten over my hiatus have kept this story on my mind and kept it from slipping away from me completely, so thank you to everyone who left me lovely responses!**


	12. Avengers in Gotham Part 2?

**Author's Note: Thanks loves for all the reviews, they were much appreciated! Sorry this one took so long, last week I had exams in _all_ of my classes. I failed a couple of them which is very discouraging, but everyone fails the first few in college, right? **

**This one's a bit longer than the last one and we get to see Pepper's POV which is a first I believe for this collection. **

**Please Note! The second half of this references one of the previous installments titled: Birthday Revenge. So if you remember what happened in that one great you'll pick it up rather quickly, if not you might wanna go and glance over it again. It will make what happens seem a lot less like I'm throwing it at you out of left field. **

* * *

The Helicarrier is docked a few miles off of Gotham's harbor and Tony finds himself sitting on a railing looking over the planes and jets that are not currently in use, already dreading this mission. One of his main and more selfish reasons is because he's never been a fan of Gotham and its upper class; something about them has always rubbed even _him_ the wrong way. Then there is his worry about the Batman situation, though his feelings about that are jumbled. He's not sure whether or not he should be afraid for Bruce or for his fellow Avengers.

Wayne seems oddly calm about the whole thing, but he's never been one to wear his emotions on his sleeve and there is his constant confidence concerning his nightly hobby. Tony knows Bruce doesn't take them as seriously as he should, but if he was Batman would he be too concerned about the Avengers?

Probably not.

"So why do you think SHIELD wants to find _The Batman_?" Bruce asks from behind scaring Tony out of his thoughts.

He turns to face Bruce, who has a smirk on his face as though he knows some deep secret.

"Recruiting probably or they want to arrest him."

"Do you think he would join the team?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

Bruce smiles, "I don't know, but I have known you long enough to know when you are getting nervous about something and all through the meeting you were just itching to get outta there." Bruce leans against the arm rail Tony has perched himself on.

"I'm _always_ itching to get out of the team powwows. They are boring and usually lead to me getting blamed for something which—"

"—Which is usually your fault—"

"—Why are we friends again?" Tony jabs as he leans back on the rail stretching and cracking his fingers. His watch tells him he's been there for a long time, which is funny because he doesn't remember the last time he was able to just sit and think for such a long time.

"Because we speak the same language?" Bruce says fiddling with something in his hands.

"Something like that," Tony rolls his eyes before hopping off the railing the echo of his feet hitting the metal below sounds through the once silent hangar. "What were we talking about again? Oh right, you were fishing for information on the 'Big Bad Bat' that I don't actually have."

"Yeah okay, there was something bothering you in that head of yours, but I'm not sure what. If you don't want to share that's fine, but if you find yourself needing talk about it—"

"I know who to call!" Tony interjects as he heads toward the inner passageways of the maze that is the Hellicarrier. "Hey do you wanna grab some Joe?"

* * *

Pepper Potts has never been one to snoop through her boyfriend's things—okay she can't say _never_—but she's not _usually _one to snoop through her boyfriend's things, but when she's bored and has the entirety of the Stark Malibu mansion at her disposal what else is there for her to do?

It's not like she doesn't already know the house inside and out anyway, but there are a few things even she isn't privy to. Like the library for an instance, a place she rarely sees Tony in seeing as reading a book required the man to sit still for more than five seconds at time. Though Pepper used to think of herself as an avid reader, ever since she and began to work for Tony Stark she has rarely had a moment to read a book. The main time she gets to herself is when she is sleeping and nowadays that tends to be in the presence of her aforementioned boyfriend.

So when Tony has to go on a sudden mission to Gotham, Pepper decides to venture into the ill-used library to pick out a few books to read in his absence.

She lets her fingers slide across the book as she skims through the titles looking for something to catch her eye when something unexpected does catch her eye.

An encyclopedia.

Which wouldn't have surprised her if it were an average, run of the mill encyclopedia. This one though, was oddly specific because it was an encyclopedia of _bats_. Pepper's head tilts to the side automatically and one of sculpted eyebrows arches in confusion. Tony, though a genius, has never really been interested in Biological sciences and that definitely included zoology, so why would the man have an entire encyclopedia of bats? She pulls the book down off the shelf and misjudges it's weight and it falls to the floor with a dull thud, sending dust rising lightly into the air. The book opens to a specific page due to an oddly shaped thin piece of metal.

She kneels down to pick it up and she realizes it's in the shape of a bat. She goes to pick the book back up when notices a little folded note tucked in the page. Pepper bites her lips and goes to grab it a couple of times trying to decide if this is a complete invasion of privacy when it hits her.

How many times in the past years has Tony completely and totally crossed the line of privacy?

She plucks the folded up sticky note out of the book, carefully unfolds it and reads:

_Happy Birthday Stark!_

_Remember, payback is a bitch._

_-Bruce_

Bruce? Judging by the light layer of dust on the book and aging of the paper she can definitely tell that it's not Bruce Banner and the only other Bruce in Tony's life is Wayne.

Why would Bruce Wayne send Tony an encyclopedia of—mid thought it hits her like a freight train.

"Holy shit," Pepper whispers to herself as she carefully but quickly slips everything back in the book before sliding it back into place and quickly moving out of the library as though she'd just opened Pandora's Box.

* * *

**Let me know what you think!**

**Like it/Hate it/Ideas? Leave a review and I will try my best to respond in a timely manner! **


	13. Avengers in Gotham Part 3

**AN:** I know, I know this took forever. I'm sorry, I have the attention span of a gold fish and Naruto was just so shiny and new and then there was a family tragedy in real life… Moving on. Thanks to everyone who reviewed on the last update, I love you all and I hope I continue to amuse you as much as I amuse myself.

Anyway, I've had bits and pieces of this written since right after my last update, but the problem was deciding where certain pieces should go and if they were relevant and blah blah blah—these are woes of being a predominantly drabble/one-shot writer I suppose, but I'm trying to stretch my multi-chapter writing muscles and if you all could just stick with me I will try to make this worth your time and I will also be forever grateful.

Also! If you would like to find me on tumblr my name is themotherofexiles.

**Disclaimer:** I was at Walmart the other day and I tried looking for the rights to Marvel and DC, but unfortunately I had no luck. I'll try Target next time.

* * *

Sneaking away is easy when you put microscopic trackers in some of the Avengers most treasured items. He slips one into Steve's slow-as-a-snail, beaten up flip phone because Captain America is as technologically savvy as a blind hamster and refuses to upgrade to a StarkPhone, which would make Tony's life easier with its built in tracking device. Luckily Steve is too trusting of his teammate and he was able to slip a tracker underneath the battery when he was helping the super soldier unfreeze his phone. Bruce and Thor are easy to track because they were the only two Avengers who agreed to take StarkPhones. Bruce needed one because he had no real need while hiding away in the third world and Thor because he was an Asgardian with no real need of a phone until the Avengers.

This left Tony to find a way to slip trackers onto (or into) the Super Spies of the Avengers posse. He slipped the smallest trackers he was able to create into Natasha's stingers and her thin blades when he was upgrading them because she never left her room without at least one of the two weapons. Clint comparably was easier because he always left his Red Bull forgotten on the coffee table when his competitive side got them best of him during his Wii competitions versus Thor. He thought about slipping a tracker into Fury's eye patch, but the chances of him getting away with such a feat were slim to none, so he slipped trackers into Fury's coffee before he slipped out of SHIELD's temporary home base under the guise of visiting the Gotham branch of his company.

Maybe sneaking away wasn't as easy as it seemed, but he is Tony Stark and there is no way he would admit that pulling a fast one on his socially inept teammates was a challenge. Maybe he should have just asked Jarvis to track their whereabouts, but Tony knows for a fact that Jarvis would rat him out in a second because there are certain Avengers (Steve, Natasha, and Bruce) he is sure Jarvis likes more than he likes Tony.

Now, because he only has a couple of hours before the trackers that were slipped into liquids make their way out of some of the Avengers systems, he is making his way across town to Bruce Wayne's penthouse to have a little chat with Gotham's, pointy-eared, Dark Knight.

* * *

Ever since Pepper found the _Encyclopedia of Bats_ she has not had any real time to think over the information she has just been made privy to.

After her initial freak out in the library, Pepper entered into the denial stage because there is absolutely _no way_ Bruce Wayne is Batman. For one thing, he really is not all that intelligent and his main pastimes include laying as many women as possible and buying things he really has no business in buying. Most of the time his eyes seem so devoid of any real intelligence that Pepper actually has to convince herself that isn't some big joke and that Bruce Wayne the playboy, heir of the Wayne Enterprises throne, is a real person.

Then she remembers the times she has seen Bruce Wayne outside of the spotlight, when her and Tony have gone to dinner with him and some model/actress/heiress and there are moments when he actually seems like an intelligent human being—fleeting as these moments may be.

Pepper turns her neck left then right cracking her neck as she stares at the line of stock projections that she has been trying to read for the past ten minutes, none of the words or numbers are making it past her eyes due to her distraction.

Say she's willing to entertain the _possibility_ Bruce Wayne is Batman, then what? Call Tony and demand he tell her everything he knows? No, not possible the odds of SHIELD having her cellphone tapped are too high for her to take that chance. She wouldn't want to be the reason SHIELD finds Batman, because she knows what happens when SHIELD sinks its claws into you, you bend to their will or you most likely die in a tragic accident. She may enjoy Coulson's company and she may find Fury entertaining in the way he threatens your life and glares at you with one eye, but that doesn't mean she necessarily trusts them. Not yet.

She'll have to wait to talk to Tony in person, but can she wait until he returns from Gotham? Maybe a trip to Gotham to see how their branch of Stark Industries is going wouldn't be such a bad idea…

* * *

Bruce Wayne wakes up to the jolt of someone leaping onto his bed and ruffling his hair, instincts kick in and the offender is thrown from the bed in a blink of an eye.

"Ouch! What the hell you bastard!" Bruce cracks his eyes open enough to peer over the edge of the bed and see Tony Stark sprawled out across his grey accent rugs. "See if I ever visit you again if this is how I'm going to be treated. Its three in the afternoon shouldn't you be awake by now?"

"I really don't get the chance to sleep at _night_, Tony." Bruce grumbles as he shuts his eyes and leans back into his pillows.

Tony scoffs, "I fight terrorists and super villains and I still can pull myself out of bed before noon."

"Right, last time I checked Pepper had to schedule board meetings after one because she was never sure she could drag you out of bed before then." Bruce sits up, "How did you get in here anyway?"

"The security system in this place isn't all that impressive, Brucie, you might want to get that checked out. Someone may sneak in, find all your secrets—or steal all your coffee, like I'm doing. Plus Alfred isn't here."

"So you break in, brew yourself coffee, and then wake me up? There better be a good reason you're here or I'm throwing you off the balcony." Bruce says in what Tony calls his almost-but-not-quite Batman voice.

"You know, I don't know if you're joking when you say things in that voice." Tony props his hands behind his head, looking more comfortable than he should lying on the floor. "And I'm here because I figured I should give you a rundown of what you're up against, because even if you're absolutely _sure_ you can evade the Avengers I figure you deserve a little more of an advantage. Including me there are six Avengers and Fury the Director of SHIELD. So seven of us makes up the circus act that is the Avengers & Co., not including the sociopath who is married to his taser and watches Supernanny religiously, he is Fury's right hand man. Then there's the crazy chick that is willing to do _anything_ to be Fury's left hand woman."

"I'm shaking with fear," Bruce deadpans.

"You should probably take them a little more seriously." Tony rolls his eyes.

"Fine, but I want coffee before we get into the profiles of what sounds like SHIELD's Most Psychologically Damaged; I mean _you're_ on the team. You know they have some issues if they're willing to work with you." Bruce slides out of bed and skips his usual morning routine, dealing with Tony first thing after he wakes up is enough of a workout as it is.

* * *

"So who is Stark's 'old friend' that lives in America's cheeriest city?" Clint asks after he washes down his sandwich with yet another of his horrid energy drinks, he crushes the can after making sure he got every last drop out of it.

"What makes you think I know or care?" Natasha looks up from laptop, twirling a knife skillfully by its hilt around her finger. Her eyes stare pointedly at the crushed can, the color distracting her. "And don't those energy drinks make you shake and mess with your shooting?"

"Well, Nat, you were assigned to watch the man once, and when you get an assignment you make sure you know _all_ there is to know about the subject of the op. Their favorite food, their hopes and dreams, and every person they've talked to since they spoke their first words." Clint smiles and Natasha rolls her eyes before looking back at her screen. As soon as her eyes leave him he tosses the can at her head which she deflects into the trashcan without a second thought. "And the drinks don't make me shake—nice hit by the way."

"It's probably Bruce Wayne, whenever they are in the same city they are seen together." She turns her laptop to face him revealing a picture of Wayne and Stark at some society function or another both wearing tailored suits that probably cost more than the GDP of two small countries. "Wayne, as most people know, was born and raised in Gotham so I feel it is safe to assume he is the old friend Stark is visiting."

"How the hell are those two friends? Tony's, I hate to have to admit this aloud, a genius and Wayne, from what I've seen has the attention span of a gold fish."

Natasha furrows her brows, "That's something I do not know."

"How'd they meet?" Silence is all Clint receives as a response, which tells him more than her words ever could. The smile is a slow one as it spreads across his face and he feigns shock. "There are things you _don't _know?"

Clint thanks the energy drinks for how alert he is as he dodges the knife aimed at his head.

"So you do realize that by telling me all this that you're going against your team right?" Bruce asks him before taking a sip of his black coffee as he tries to absorb the information Tony just relayed to him.

"You can think of me as a double agent, because I plan to pretend to do research into your alter ego and I will inform them of what I find. I just won't give them anything that may lead to them finding out your true identity."

"Sneaky."

"Well I'm sorry. It's actually kind of difficult for me to help my frie—I mean teammates—hunt down someone I've known since I was a kid. I don't actually know how to play this." Tony sighs taking a sip of his own coffee, wishing it was something quite a bit stronger.

"Maybe if you didn't tell the entire world your true identity, you wouldn't have to deal with this."

"It always comes back to the identity thing with you, doesn't it? Are you secretly jealous of the fact I don't have to hide behind as many masks as you do?"

"No it's because you have an action figure." Bruce deadpans, "Batman is a symbol, I do not regret the cowl."

Tony rings his hands together before checking his watch, "I should probably get going before one of them pisses the tracker out of their system and we have to look over our shoulder to see if there is a Super Spy or a Norse God following my every move."

"What even is your life, Tony?" Bruce asks arching an eyebrow before, palming through his bedhead.

"That's rich coming from you, BatTard." Tony says before walking to the coffee pot and pouring a final cup. It barely lasts a second before he chugs it down without even wincing at the heat, he's done this too many times to feel the burn. "Seriously, I need to get out of here. There was this one time I left Stark Tower without telling them and they _all_ came barreling into this five star restaurant, demanding to know why I didn't inform them I was leaving. Apparently they were afraid I was kidnapped."

"I repeat my last statement. Get out of here, I don't want the Avengers busting through my windows."

"Later, Batsy," Tony salutes as he struts toward the elevator.

"Ciao, Tin Man."

* * *

**AN:** I'm not sure how I feel about this. I know there is not much going on but I hope it is enough to keep you satisfied until I return to school.


End file.
